South Africa: Raped by my own boyfriend

South Africa: Raped by my own boyfriend

Date: June 1, 2015
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*Trigger warning: Violence*

I once had a good loving family, a mother, step dad and a grandfather. I never knew my real father, I never had a father figure till I was 13 that when I was introduced to my step dad and his family. This family camp in 2010 when my mom and step dad got married, I then moved in with them because I had a baby and my aunt and uncle kicked me out so they took me in. We were a happy small family, and then I met my boyfriend Phaphani, who was older than me.

We dated for a month and he wanted to have sex. I told him I was not ready and he understood for some time. Again he wanted sex; I told him that I was not ready. He told me that he has waited long enough he couldn’t wait anymore. After sex he told me that I was his girl and no one else’s. After that he introduced me to his mom and his brothers. I started to spend time with them, then my family found out and they didn’t like him at all. My mother asked to break up with him but I didn’t listen. However, with time my boyfriend changed. He would force me to go to his home, whenever he wanted, no matter what time it was. One day I refused to go and he started hitting me so hard that my eyes were red with blood from the inside, when I told him that I wanted to go home, he said that I couldn’t because my mom and dad would see what he had done and would have him arrested. So I had to stay there for 2 days and I went home. My dad did not like it, he told me to break up with him or else he would kick me out of the house. I did not do that in fact I carried on doing it because he always came to my home and asked me to go with him. I then I went away for a weekend without telling him. When I got back he hit me over and over again, when I asked him what I have done he told me that I disrespected him for not telling him that I was going away for the weekend.

At school he had a guard to watch me and report to him everything I was doing. If I would have spoken to a boy he would come home and take me outside and beat me until I apologised and tell him that I would never do it again. My father was tired of what was happening he kicked me out. I told my boyfriend that I was kicked out and he told me to come stay with him. I moved in with him. When I was staying with him things got worse, he would leave me in the house every Friday from the morning and comes back at midnight smelling of booze and he would want to have sex and if I refuse he would make up a story so that he would hit me for not sleeping with him. At night he would want to touch me and have sex by force, when I scream he would open the volume of the radio up so that nobody would hear me. If I fought with him he would take out his knife and threatens me with it. After the fight in the morning he would apologise and do a special thing for me, trying to make up for what he did, he would tell me that it was not his fault and I should not disagree with him when he wants sex I should always give him, because I am his girl now. He carried on doing it going away for 2 days and comes back drunk and expecting sex from me.

One day he came again trying to do the same thing, I told him I wanted to go home, we had a fight about that he tried to hit me, I ducked and ran away he came after me, he caught up with me and took me back to his room, strangled me until I was out of breath. He saw that I was not moving or doing anything and he let go and tried to wake me up. When I woke up I couldn’t do anything even speaking, he then tried to bath me and put me to bed, the day after I asked to go to the clinic but he refused and told me he would be arrested if I went there. After that I went to school my friends saw the bruises and nails marks in my neck and told me to go to the police but, I was scared, I thought it was my own fault, that this happened to me. I carried on staying with him. I did not speak to him for 2 days. I then went home to apologise and try and go back and stay with them but, my aunt and uncle refused. I was tired of staying with him, I wanted to go back home but I couldn’t. One day I went to a school prayer without telling him and I came back late. He was so mad that he started to hit me from 6:30-9:00; he then hit me with the flat part of a bush knife. My whole back was full of bruises and scars, I couldn’t move. He bath me and the put me to bed in the morning.

I woke up prepare for his son to go to school then I went to school, I went to talk to my mother and she saw that I was leaping on my right leg and asked what happened and I told her, she told me to go to the police, I told her that I was scared because he told me, if I went to the police he would kill me. My mother started to get worried that I had lost so much weight and that I always had bruises. He never wanted me to see my baby nor even talk about him. I was so tired I decided to run away but before I ran away I had to break up with him. I couldn’t because I knew that he would hit me because every time I broke up with him he would hit me until I apologized. I eventually told him and he said if I did not want to come back I shouldn’t, because he didn’t care anymore and also didn’t want me. That day I went to my cousin’s place from school. At night his friends came over there and told my cousin that he wants me back, I told her to tell them that I’m not coming back to him not after what he had done to me, then he started following begging me to reconcile with him.
I went to see a social worker told me to go to the police, to make a peace order against him. When he got the papers he did not like it he said he would kill me, he followed me around, if it wasn’t him it would be his friends, he said he will not rest till he finds me. But then the police told him if he keeps on following me he will go to jail. He stopped for a bit then he started again, when we met he told me to drop the case or I will die but, I decided to change the place where I was living. I am living happily with my child.







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