Unhappy in my marriage

When I married, I was 20 years old and very much in love. My brothers warned me that he was not a good man, but I though they were jealous of him. As you know, when love is concerned we don’t like to listen to the truth. l stayed in an abusive marriage with him for seven years.

When we had our first bone daughter, this is when the problems started. My husband left me and went for my best friend, marrying her as well. All the love he had for me was no more. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I never thought that one day things would change to be even worse.

Bigger problems started when my girl turned six months old. He used to demand sex anytime he felt like it. l never enjoyed sex from the time he married my friend, maybe he just wanted to punish me. He was one of those men who would take one to two hours doing it. To me, sex is about enjoying and satisfying one another, but he liked dry sex, meaning he had no time to communicate so that l also enjoyed.

He used to beat me up if l say no to sex. At times, I would put on a pad for two weeks pretending to be menstruating, sometimes even developing sores. One day when he discovered that l was pretending, he started beating me until some of my neighbours rescued me.

He used to tell his mother whenever l said no to sex. His family neglected me because of the love they had for him. His parents would insult me saying tawafundwa [properly taught] – how can you deny your husbands demand.

He never took care of our children. Our first born completed her grade twelve last year and as I am writing this story, she is pregnant by his best friend.

A few years ago, he sold the house without my knowledge. I discovered this when the buyer came for change of ownership. The house was my own property and I refused to do the transactions. Around midnight that day, I was badly beaten. I was completely naked when my elder brother rescued me.

I went to the clinic but they didn’t treat me, but they referred me to the police. He was even locked up for 3 days. And that’s when the marriage was terminated by the local court.

I have learned that life is a test, a gift, and we should bear it. I encourage my fellow women to always take caution that you are not abused in your marriage.

* not her real name. This story is part of the “I” Stories series produced by the Gender Links Opinion and Commentary Service for the Sixteen Days of Activism on Gender Violence.