*Flora

It is December 23 1984. I, my older sister and brother are going to visit our paternal grandfather. It’s the first time I am visiting. By the way today is my birth, I am turning 7 years old. Our mother is accompanying us. I have passed Grade 1 by 100%.
We got to town, Mount Frere, for the first time in my life, we met our grandmother we were very happy to see to her. The holidays were over very quickly we had to go back home. When we got to town it was raining. But my grandmother told us I will not go back home, she told me that I will be staying with her. Everything went well for the first 2 years but I never saw my mother. Then beginning of 1988 my father came back. He informed us that he has separated with my mother. He told me that my mother has gone to Natal to her parents.
My grandmother started losing patience with me because my father was unemployed. She was struggling to make ends meet. My uncle (young brother to my father) and his wife started supporting us financially. In 1989 my aunt (father’s sister) and her husband started visiting us on a regular basis. One night we were left alone with my aunts’ husband. He then came to me and touched me on my private parts. He commented that I have pubic hair which means I am grown up woman.
The following night he climbed on the bed behind me and started raping me. In the morning I was so frightened and confused. I could not even tell anyone.
I started missing my mother, I had never made contact with her since 23 December 1984. That is how sexual abuse started in my life. I cannot even count how many times it happened. But whenever he came to visit he would sleep with me. At 14 he told me how much he loves me. This caused so much confusion in my mind.
After grade 9 I had to go and stay with my aunt, her husband and five children. My father could not afford to pay for my high school fees. And my aunt offered to take me to boarding school for my schooling.
Her husband would come at any day at the boarding school to take me and rape me in his car, in the deserted area. He would sometimes take me to the zoo and on the way back rape me. In 1994 when I was doing Grade 11, I had a boyfriend. He found out and fabricated a story to my aunt saying I bought the boyfriend to their house. That night I was beaten up.
In 1995 I was doing matric. The abuse stopped for that year. I passed my matric very well. In 2006 I had a boyfriend. The first time I has sex with him I got pregnant. I gave birth in November 22, 2 days after I was discharged. My aunt and my cousins went to the beach. I was left alone. Around 10 am the husband came back and started closing all the curtains. He raped me and teared off all the stitches. I could not walk about 3 days after that incident.
In 1997 I started doing social worker at the university. I ran away from home and went to my uncle’s home. I told my uncle about the whole story about the abuse, he seemed every angry but never done anything about it. When my aunt and her husband came to fetch me, he just kept quiet. They took me back to their house 2 towns away. There after the abuse never continued. I was sexually abused from 12 years until I reached 19 years of age.
The way I felt about abuse was confusing for me. I kept on blaming myself. I knew deep down that it was not fault. But after my uncle ignored me after telling him about my abuse, I thought I had no one to turn to.
I felt that I should allow abuse to happen just to get through my education.
Today I am very proud of what I have achieved, even though I never went through counselling. Everything I have worked hard for. I am now a mother of 4 children, divorced for 9 years. My ex-husband does not support our children. But I been to maintenance court. I feel like because I was abused, I attract abusers as boyfriend. I am struggling with intimate relationship but I recently found a very loving man in my life.