Namibia: Maria

My name is *Maria; I am 79 years old born at Berseba village in the //Kharas. I met my husband  when we were both young, we had a very wonderful relationship as a young couple and as years passed by my partner started dating other women including my own sister , I suspected him by his behavior and thought to myself what could be the cause of this sudden behavior toward me. He became violent both physically and emotionally, mistreated me a lot but I stayed in the relationship because of the love I had for him.  My husband was irritated by the fact that when he does something it had to be address by someone else first and that was one thing he hated, because of his behavior days will pass by with no communication between us.

Besides my sister there was another lady who he had been seeing and had impregnated and every time he comes home from her he would always be angry and his tone of voice would always be unpleasant it was as if you listening to a roaring lion. despite all the pain I went through I stood by my husband’s side purely out of the love, he had gone to all extent of denying the little fetus which was developing in my womb, at 3 months he got physical and kicked me right in my tummy and that resulted in a miscarriage and till this day he denies ever impregnating me and it hurts me deep down in my heart. Through all this we spoke about officially getting married and so we did in the year 1984 at the Lutheran church in the Republic of Namibia at Berseba. At times I wonder why I got married to him because his behavior got out of hand and unbearable, my husband is a very kind and sweet person when his not intoxicated with alcohol as soon as he has had some alcohol all breaks loose and starts getting abusive, his tone of voice becomes loud and scary and uses hush words that hurt me deep in my heart. He provides everything we need at home but is emotionally abusive; his behavior has caused me to withdraw from him, having no sexual desires towards him. He has no respect for anyone and uses foul language with the kids, insulting my deceased mother which hurts me a lot.

Nowadays my husband is just an embarrassment I don’t even feel the same way I use to feel for him, I even got to a point were I spoke to him about separating as the spark is dead, I just can’t tolerate the pain my husband puts me through and at the age of 74 he is just one problem that I can’t fix. I have decided that my husband cannot touch or sleep with me in the same bed and told him about it. I cannot have sex with a man that constantly uses foul language towards me and treats me with no respect. I also told him that I can do all the duties as his wife for him however having sexual intercourse with him won’t happen.

As years pass by it became unbearable to be around him and wanted to leave but I made a promise to God therefor I have no choice but to be with him. I have no excitement to be with him, I cannot do this and he is fully aware if this. We talk about the issues we having, he is very understanding when sober but a total different person when his under the influence.

I pray for the youth, to open their eyes and love one another and always be kind to each other. I trust and believe my fellow ladies young and old who read my story and are in the same situation for my story to speak to you and reach out for help, let this story be an eye-opener for other women