Lesotho: Abuse at church by the man of God

I am a Mosotho woman aged 22 and I live at Thaba-Tseka. I am a very Christian person and I like church very much; I do not miss church very easily and I have great respect for my pastor. I want to tell the whole world about my story of abuse at the hands of a much respected man of God that I really trusted and loved as my pastor and spiritual mentor. I kept everything to myself and I believed that when I told him my secrets he would be able to talk to my God on my behalf and I felt near to God when I talked to him; I trusted that man of God.

My pastor was about 50-60 years old and other people trusted him; not only me. We believed in him and thought he was a really honest man of God, but I would like to confirm that he was not totally what we, or I, believed that he was. My pastor used to visit my family and we would read the bible, learn new hymns and connect with our God. He used to visit often and we considered him as part of the family, our spiritual father who showed us both the good and bad ways. We enjoyed his company very much and when he missed our session we felt empty.

It was November 2008 and we had a conference at our church, so he came to my place as he often did, but that time he asked for a shoe brush; he said he wanted to polish his shoes and I gave it to him. I was alone, but it was not a big issue as he had come to my place before and there was never a problem. I did not know that the man of God was somebody I did not know; my pastor surprised me and asked me to give him a paper and a pen. I thought he was going to write things of his own because I had known him for so many years and he had never asked for my cell phone number and so it did not bother me.

I gave him a pen and paper as he asked and he wrote his cell phone numbers down and told me that they were for me and I should call him. I really did not understand why he should give his cell phone numbers to me because he came to our house all the time and I did not really need them. I asked myself why he was only giving them to me at that time, but I had no answers. I was really shocked. While I was still shocked about the cell phones he asked me to kiss him, by which time I was really panicking. I concluded that he was not my pastor whom I knew very well, but it really was him.

I tried to refuse in a very respectful manner because I was still telling myself it was my pastor whom I knew very well, but he changed and immediately took out his gun and put it on the table. He said to me “do what I asked you to do now or you will regret that you were ever born.” I just could not believe him, how could a man of God say that to his child? I asked myself, but there was no answer to that. I was only shocked and did not believe him at the same time. I was very afraid because I saw that he was very serious and there was no more a man of God. I said to myself “My God, if to kiss this man would save my life, please help me do it because it’s beyond my control”. I was shaking and he came to me slowly and kissed me, he forced his tongue into my mouth. When he was done he said maybe he would do all the work.

I did not understand what he was actually saying and I asked him and he said he wanted to sleep with me. I begged him in the name of Jesus; I even kneeled down on my knees to show how serious I was and unhappy with his devil deeds.
He told me that I should not tell anybody or else he would shoot and kill me. He asked me to keep the cell phone numbers and call him. I did not know how he expected me to call him and what I was to say to him. I did not tell anybody this story because I thought people would not believe me because that man was a man of God and people trusted him so much. I thought “oh no, nobody would buy this story” and I kept it to myself; but it was not a nice secret and I also wanted people to know what kind of man he was. Finally, I decided to tell one of my fellow Christian friends and he advised me to tell my family so that the man would be brought to book, but I did not like the idea because I thought it would expose him and he would threaten me like he had said. However, I am now ready to tell my family and the whole world because I have already spoken out here.

This story is part of the “I” Stories series produced by the Gender Links encouraging the view that speaking out can set you free.