Lesotho: I was raped in my own house

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My name is *Maria and I live at Majapereng in Mohale’s Hoek, Lesotho. I was raped when I was on my way back from the shops. It was around 7.00pm and it was dark but not that dark and that was not the reason that I was raped. I think he saw me when I was going to the shop and he hid under my fire wood because it was in a big pile. I went to the shops and I came back without any problems.

When I went into my house and tried to close the door, I felt somebody pushing the door very hard, for a moment I thought it was wind or something. I did not understand, but it was that thug and he raped me in my own house. I also pushed the door very hard, but he was more powerful than me and I fell down and he came inside. I cried very loudly and he put a cloth in my mouth so that I could not make a noise. He pulled me into the house and closed the door and locked it. He beat me up like a dog and told me that if I screamed he would kill me because he saw that I was silly woman. I did not even know that he knew me. I did not understand what was happening because I was bleeding and feeling such unbearable pain, but he did not care and he told me that even if I cried he was still going to sleep with me.

When he saw that I did not have energy and I was just sitting there, he undressed me and raped me. My whole body was very painful and I was not crying at that time because I was so tired. I thought he was going to kill me after that because he did not even cover his face and he beat me up. When he was done he told me that I could go to anybody I liked, but I should know that nobody was going to believe me and even the police would never find him. I did not believe him, but I did not want to try because I thought if he saw that I was still breathing he would decide to kill me, so I just kept quiet like I was really dead.

He told me that he was going and I should sleep well, I just could not believe it. I was so confused; I did not know whether I should call people or what I should do. I was so afraid because I thought he was still around and if he heard me crying, he would come back and kill me. I waited for the next day and reported the matter to the police, but they did not find him and it hurts me so much when I think that he is still out there and he might commit another crime if they do not find him. I am not free in my home because I think he could come again at any time. I do not think our justice system is effective because I do not understand how somebody could rape me and since then there has been no sign of him. My right hand is still not working because he broke it.

*Not her real name

This story is part of the “I” Stories series produced by the Gender Links News Service encouraging the view that speaking out can set you free.