Lesotho: My husband was my stalker

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My name is Mpho. I am a 32 year old working woman. I was happily married until one day when I received an anonymous call from a strange man. I was out at one of our work evening functions at a hotel. My husband had driven me to the hotel, dropped me off, and would be coming back to fetch me. This particular phone call came at the same time that my husband left. I picked up the call and heard the voice of a strange man asking a lot of questions, such as how I was doing, how life was treating me with my ugly husband and a lot of other nonsense. I hung up.

I received more of these anonymous calls. But strangely enough, they came when I was away; this guy called me at home. I did not tell my husband because I did not want to ruin the peace between us. As the calls continued, the man took to being vulgar, insulting me and telling me this and that. I was intrigued to trap him. Then one day he called and I was as polite as ever and positive too so we came to an agreement that we should meet one day. I intentionally added that he must be in love with me and that was why he did not stop bothering me.

One good morning, I told my husband that I would arrive home late as I was meeting a representative of a company that I was interested to work with, after hours. He wanted to come with me, but I declined with the excuse that it was a women-only meeting. I could see he was not happy, but all I cared about was trapping the stranger. I went to our agreed meeting place and sat on the balcony of the private bar. While sitting there, I saw my husband’s car pulling up on the other side of the road, and immediately, the call came in on my cell. That was when my suspicion arose. I listened to the voice and instinctively realised that it was my husband. I played to his tune, being polite and promising him how good I would be to him, and how much I had longed to be freed from my husband. While talking on the phone, I went out through the back door and took a cab home. Yet I told the so-called stranger (my husband), my location at the hotel. He promised he was on his way to meet me and then he ended the conversation.

As expected, I arrived at home and my husband was not there. I called to ask where he was, and he lied that he was at home; if I wanted to be picked up, he would be there quickly, he claimed. I said no, it was okay, I would take a taxi home. After close to half an hour, he arrived. I confronted him. I told him he had lied on the phone about being at home. He became defensive and asked why I would do such a thing as try to trap him, what was I thinking? I did not tell him that I had discovered that he was the anonymous stranger who kept calling me; I was too angry. I ran to our bedroom and locked myself there until the morning.

In the morning he shouted at me, accusing me of having an affair because I had refused to take him with me to my meeting the previous day. The argument became so heated that before I could cough up my discovery, he had beaten me. I told him straight that he was my stalker; he froze and asked me why he would do such a thing. I went to his briefcase, found another cellphone, then dialed the stalker’s number and that same phone rang! I was so furious that I went to the bedroom to pack up my stuff. But before I could finish, he was begging me to forgive him. He claimed he loved me, that he was afraid, and jealous that I was seeing other men. I decided to calm down and think afresh. His secret phone was in my possession, so I went through all the call records and text messages, and discovered that he was cheating with three women! When I asked him about it, he just stood there and kept quiet. Next thing I knew, he had rushed to the wardrobe, retrieving a gun. Before he could execute his next move, I threw myself at him, and he bumped his head against the wardrobe. That gave me the opportunity to grab the car keys and speed away.

After some negotiations with both our parents present, things have settled down a bit, but every now and then, especially when he is drunk, he reminds me that if anything goes wrong, he will shoot and kill both of us. I am depressed staying with him. He has since given up both his cellphones in an effort to convince me that he does not have any ongoing secret affair. I love my husband, but I do not trust him. I do not know what to do. I wake up every day knowing that if ever anything goes wrong between us, I will be shot dead.

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*Not her real name

This story is part of the “I” Stories series produced by the Gender Links News Service encouraging the view that speaking out can set you free.