South Africa: Adorable Nsiki

My name is Adorable Nsiki, and I am from the Greater Tzaneen Municipality, affiliated with the Nhlayiso organization. I am 39 years old and a mother of four.

I was raised by a single parent, as my father was not part of my life. I never knew what fatherly love felt like. In 2010, I got married, hoping I would raise my children well within a stable marriage. However, I found myself in an abusive relationship, carrying unresolved anger from my past, particularly around the absence of my father. The person I married also struggled with his own issues, including anger rooted in his past.

He paid lobola, and we had a white wedding in December. But by January, things had turned sour, and I sank into depression. We lived together in my house (an RDP home). Over time, he started to control my friendships, forbid my family from visiting, and became both physically and emotionally abusive. He wouldn’t even allow me to go into town or buy groceries; he would handle that himself. Eventually, the community began to notice something was wrong.

The depression became overwhelming, to the point where I would collapse while walking. I was eventually admitted to the hospital, where I was diagnosed with depression and stayed for three weeks, attending therapy sessions with a psychologist every morning. During my stay, the hospital staff called him in for a conversation and found that his unresolved anger issues made the relationship unsafe for me. I was then referred to a social worker, who helped me file for divorce.

He refused to grant the divorce, saying he would rather kill me or that I must pay him back the lobola money. The police became involved, and I obtained a protection order against him. He went so far as to suggest I sell my RDP house and split the money with him to cover the lobola and wedding expenses. My family, concerned for my safety, advised that I sell the house and give him his share. So, I sold the house and moved back to my mother’s home, which was actually a shared family house.

In 2013, my mother passed away. Her death reignited my depression, as she was the only person I could confide in. Left with only my uncle and aunt, and without a job, I struggled. My relatives began to feel the strain of supporting me and my children.

We lived far from school, and the child support grants I received barely covered transportation costs, leaving almost nothing for food and other basic needs. I eventually met another partner and moved in with him, and we had two children together. At first, he was loving, caring, and supportive, but over time, he stopped working, leaving child support grants as our only income. I continue to depend on my relatives for help, but they, too, are sometimes overwhelmed.

To make ends meet, I occasionally sell achar, but since I can only afford a small stock, the profits are limited. However, with the support of various organizations, including Nhlayiso, I have hope that one day my life will change for the better.