South Africa: Fagmeeda Jansen

As a young child I grew up with my Granny Gogo because my mother was always on the road doing her own things. Sometimes when me & my older brother heard that our mother is coming to visit us, we always used to wait at the bus stop for hours just to see her, but sometimes she didn’t even show up. Then we were so heartbroken. As our lives continued my mother used to come & fetch us to stay with her & her Muslim husband, that’s when my life started to fall apart not knowing it was happening. My stepfather was ABUSING me for many years sexually and emotionally, but I didn’t understand what was happening to me, because I’ve believed that that was supposed to happen to me, according to me it was right. I never talked about it to anyone, because I was scared. So, I grew up with that HURT inside of me not knowing it’s about to destroy my life. Even one of my other family members, an uncle also abused me sexually & I also never talked about it. I became a problem child in school always ending up in fights with boys. That’s when I started to wear boys’ clothes and became a TOMBOY always playing with boys.

My mother eventually left my stepfather because he used to cheat on her. Then I was introduced to a man who claimed to be my father only at the age of 13yrs old. I never knew I had one because my mother never spoken about him. I’ve asked myself where this father was when I needed him when I was being abused. My anger inside me towards him even grew more ending up hating him, because I couldn’t make peace with the fact that I had a father but never wanted me in his life. So, he also came into my life abusing me by hitting me all the time for nothing & for my brother also. He was a drug addict. In the morning when I opened my eyes there, he was full of drugs, & at night before I went to sleep, he was also full of drugs, that’s how my life was with him, because he came to fetch me at my Gogo’s house by force. He then told me to quit going to school and go look for a job. My hatred towards him grew more and more inside of me. When I got my first job for the day, I brought home my first payslip of R40 & gave it to my mother. My father then told me he’s going to buy himself drugs from that money. I then decided to run away from that house. I ended up amongst GANGSTERS & grew up amongst them doing all the bad stuff for them in order for me to SURVIVE in life. I ended up using drugs very heavily. I used cocaine & marijuana & mandrugs, all the bad stuff. I also started to drink alcohol a lot because I just needed to forget about my problems. I travelled from school to school because I ended up on the wrong side of the world.

I got RAPED at the age of 18yrs old, because of drinking alcohol, because I was quite drunk that day not knowing what the devil was planning to do to me. I was TORTURED for days & nights. Finally, I was released on the 4th day. I went on drinking & got into Gang fights. I should have been killed so many times, but God knew what He was preparing me for one day. I also tried to commit suicide more than once, because I couldn’t take it anymore.

One day I was so drunk that two of my friends left me to sleep at the Preaching Alter inside a Tent Crusade Conference. That’s when I decided to change my life around & give my Heart to the Lord JESUS Christ. But the bad stuff didn’t end there, because I met a man who claimed to also serving the Lord JESUS Christ, only to use me. I even ended up on the streets because of this man who claimed that he loved me. I slept on the streets eating food out of dust bins that white people threw away. I lived like a street beggar on the beaches & on the streets of Sea point in Capetown. I fell pregnant with this man’s child. He promised to marry me. I then met a Pastor, a very good man with a good heart & he organized everything for us to get married, Only to BE LEFT at the Altar. It took be about 10 years to get over this heart ache because I had to raise my son all alone. After that I married in 2011, also another guy who abused me very heavily, me & my two children. I had one child, a daughter in this marriage. I was so blinded by love, that I didn’t listen to anyone when they warned me not to marry this guy so quickly, because I only knew him for a month when I decided to marry him. He used to beat me up every time he got angry. He didn’t even except my son as he’s own. I almost lost my unborn child 3 times because of him beating me. I had 3 Domestic Violence Cases against him, but every time I withdrew the cases because I tried to save the marriage, even went to Famsa, but nothing helped him, he just didn’t change at all, that’s when I decided I’m going to leave this NUTCRACKER of a man. So, the marriage failed.

Then I devoted my life unto the Lord JESUS Christ completely by trusting HIM to lead my life. I prayed to God to send me good loving & caring & humble man who will love my two children unconditionally as his own. Then along came MY SOULMATE just as I was praying for. Thank God for saving my soul. I’ve been with this man for almost 7 years now, treating me like a QUEEN, my BEST friend

That’s the story of my life.