South Africa: I knew what I had done was wrong

Limpopo, 6 December: In 2000 I got arrested by the police for raping my sister’s eight-year-old. When my sister realised that the child was acting differently to her she found out that she had been raped. The reasons that made me commit this crime was because I was always drunk and took drugs and I had a low self-esteem and was shy to approach adult women.

I was put into a cell. The case was postponed after I got bail of R2000, which I paid immediately. What bothered me most was that I couldn’t keep a job because while I was busy I would be told to come to court and someone else would take my job. I was not allowed to ask questions or to threaten the victim. When I went to court again I was told by an investigator that the case was changed from rape to indecent assault. He indicated that it was changed because there was no sexual penetration. They only found sperm outside and a small bruise. The girl gave evidence on how it happened then the court decided to let the mother testify on her behalf.

On 18 November 2002 my case was referred to the regional court for sentencing after I was found guilty. On 14 February 2003, I went back to the regional court where I was told that my sentence was supposed to be 15 years, but it is now going to be 14 years because I had served a whole year in custody already.

On 15 February 2003 I was sent to prison to start serving my sentence. What I realised while I was in jail was that friends will only be there for you during happy times but when you are in trouble they are nowhere to be found. The only person who came to visit me was my mother’s younger sister.

I praised God because I knew what I had done was wrong – I knew my charge. I started involving myself in extramural activities at the prison: life skills, cleaning toilets and going to church. In 2005 I was invited by the kitchen officers to come and join them and learn to cook. This was accepted by the prison guards who had seen my good behaviour. I never experienced any abuse because I respected other people and they also showed respect towards me. What I have learnt in prison is that some people who have been inside for many years still don’t change. They come back to jail.

After each presidential election was reduced by 6 months. On 16 November 2009, I was released after being taken to court. The parole board found that I was one of the well behaved prisoners. I was given instructions that I shouldn’t participate in any meetings or threaten the victim and not to use drugs. When I got home I told myself that I should stay away from all my old friends. I ended up going to the Baptist Church.

I stay in the same street as the victim and if I meet her on the way, I just greet her, nothing more. Her mother doesn’t accept or forgive me. She still believes am a bad person. What I have learnt is that if a person goes to jail and is serious about questioning themselves, there will be changes in their life. I’m a person who was not living a good life at all. I have stopped drinking and I am now married.

* Not his real name

Norman lives in the Limpopo Province. This story is part of the “I” Stories series produced by the Gender Links News Service as part of the 16 Days of Activism campaign against gender violence, encouraging the view that speaking out can set you free.