South Africa: Kopano Unity

My name is Kopano Unity; I’m 27 and I’m the firstborn of both parents. Growing up, I was a sweet little girl with ambitions about going far in life. When I say far in life, I mean far up in the sky literally.
I can still remember while I was in my primary school years, teachers would always ask what we wanted to be when we grew up, and my answer would always be “I want to be an astronomer.” The teachers would always ask me what an astronomer is, and I would answer, “It is a scientist that specializes with everything in the universe.”.

I grew up with my parents apart, but I lived with my mom, grandparents, and siblings. They raised me well, though sometimes I would wish I had more motivation for my schoolwork on my mom’s side, but at least I got it from my dad’s side. I would visit my dad’s on weekends and holidays, but not every weekend and holiday. My mom and grandma had this impression or story of how “those people” didn’t want her and I as their child, but I would experience a different story.

It got to a point where I would go less at my dad’s and spend more at my mom’s, which affected my schoolwork a bit as my father would always help me with my schoolwork. I appreciated living with my mom and grandparents, but I didn’t receive enough education advice.

I really needed help more at home than at school. Especially when subjects started getting more challenging from primary school to high school. I could push myself until I could with the help I received from teachers and individually at home. Then things started to get very challenging in high school; this was also when I was in my teenage years that came with social challenges as well. I was doing math and sciences because I was chasing this dream of becoming a scientist.

My confidence started to drop in Grade 11, and my marks also started dropping. I started spending time in the streets rather than with my books. As a parent, I believe my mom would’ve been concerned, but nothing and no one showed they were. She would see me do my schoolwork but wouldn’t show interest like my father would always do. As my confidence dropped and my marks dropped, I then failed my matriculation.

I got pregnant the year after matriculation, and that affected my life a lot. As the years went by, I started working and also using my talents to make money for myself and my family, even though I wasn’t earning much. My clientele grew and focused on my small business, but it didn’t grow because I had to help with money in the house. My grandparents were late that time. Everything changed when my mom was unappreciative of my help around the house as we were helping each other around the house. She started to tell me that I wasn’t making enough money anymore and threatened to kick me out of the house if I’m not getting a job or earning more out of my small business, which I did.

My mom started to complain about everything in the house, like food and other things. One day she forcefully woke me up to go look for a job in town that’s very far to walk to. I didn’t have any money for transport or money to update my CV, and she owed me R400, and when I asked her for it, she told me she doesn’t have it and she doesn’t care how I get there. She just became this monster I didn’t recognize and one of my siblings.started showing me the same energy, but when I had something to offer, it was a different story and treatment. That hurt me a lot and made me anxious; I didn’t have peace and didn’t feel at home at my own home.

Sometimes I would just go wherever and come after a few days because I felt I needed peace, and I would sometimes get intoxicated and cry my pain and anxiety away. When I get home, my son will tell me he didn’t go to school for all those days I was away. Mind you, she was my son’s transporter and paid the full amount, but she would get ready and not wake my son up to get ready and leave him sleeping. She would tell me straight that she did that to spite me.

Not so long ago I decided to move out to live at a family house and considered applying to an art school, and when I told her about my decision, she told me to go to hell and never come back because if I do, “I’ll see.” She even said I would make it in art school. I eventually moved out, and today I’m happy. I’m happy to say I worked on regaining my peace and working on my anxiety. Now I’m working on building a better life for my son and me, and unfortunately I won’t be going to “hell,” but I’m going to be a better woman and a better mother to my son.