South Africa: Magret Mberego

My name is Magret Mberego. I’m 28 years old. I finished my school in 2015, and I went to Western Cape in a place called Yezerfontein in 2016. We are learning about hospitality and tourism. That is where I have started to learn about life and meeting new friends and new people. What I do for living is I like reading books. Of course, I’m really interested in learning something new in my life. My hobby is cooking food because that is the only time, I see myself happy. I have two sisters. I’m the second born of my family.

I have met with my boyfriend whom I’m still dating in 2019, but we are in a distance relationship. He is from Namibia and I’m in South Africa. After six months, we meet each year; it’s like that, but before we started dating, he was a nice person, a respectful man who also took care of me.

But as a matter of time, things have started changing. He started controlling me—what must I do and not do? —and whom should I chat on social media platforms. It was obviously hurting me deep down, but I couldn’t say anything. He broke my phone and destroyed my SIM card. If I contact my male cousin, he accuses me of cheating on him while I’m not, because I have that love and trust in him with all my heart. I was always told to do what he wants me to do; if I say no, he will get angry, furious, and start hurting me, and I always keep it to myself because I was afraid to lose him if I tell my family’s they will separate us, and I don’t want that, but still, he is abusing me physically and emotionally. He stopped me from using Facebook, but still he was chatting with others comments on other ladies’ pictures, and it was hurting me. One day he commented on one lady’s pictures with sexy words; he described her as beautiful, and I saw it and screen shot it and asked him why you praise others on Facebook, but you stopped me from using Facebook, and he didn’t answer me at all. Of course, my words don’t make sense to him, but when I posted my male friends on their birthdays, then he started acting like jealousy boyfriend talking bad about me, so I deleted. I don’t have that freedom to do anything I want by myself, and I can’t wear certain clothing; I only wear what he wants.

The most painful thing he does is he will never praise me or adore about my body shape; he says I’m too fat. I must not eat too much food because I will gain weight and he doesn’t like it. And sometimes I ask myself, whom I’m living my life with, why should I do as he wants, but when he does something wrong, he doesn’t even look sad or worried, but me, I’m stuck in a one-page of my unhealthy life with a partner who doesn’t even feel sorry for me. I only get financial support from my parents; they still support me whenever I need help, but my boyfriend only gives me money when I’m visiting him; it’s like he is paying me for sex because that is the only time, he assists me financially. If I don’t go that side, then he will never send anything to me. He likes empty promises—promises that he will never fulfil.

I don’t feel love anymore; all I see in this relationship is sadness. I’m getting hurt, but I never asked him why you were treating me that way because if I asked him, he would deny it or start fighting. I’m feeling like I’m useless because I don’t have a job and I’m depending on him on the other side. I love him, but he doesn’t treat me like someone he loves; he doesn’t give his attention to me. All he does is focus on his job and career, and I’m feeling lonely and hurt all the time of life.

I don’t know where to get help or where to start my life because I’m unemployed if I had something to keep myself busy then maybe I will have forgotten all of this drama.

I want to stand up by myself. I want to become a strong woman; a man must respect me; a man must know that we both have equal rights. I’m tired of crying in a corner. I want to see the best in me so I can also support other women who also have problems in their lives. Let me spread my wings and fly. I’m suffocating in this life where a man has the right to say everything I do.

All we see is love and the gift’s that he will buy for you after he hurts you because you like a toy. You don’t have equal rights, but no enough is enough. I want to speak out and live my life as I want because we all deserve a better life. I want to see myself as a successful woman!!