South Africa: Mantoa Paulina Mokoena

My name is Mantoa Paulina Mokoena. I’m 50 years of age and divorced with 3 children. I’m not working at this present moment. Financially, my family helps a lot. I’m staying with my children.
I have survived GBV from my previous relationships and my previous marriage.

In my previous marriage, it started when my husband wanted me not to work. I started a vegetable garden and then sold those vegetables to make an income; he will complain and choose who to sell to. I stopped and tried to do beadwork to go out and sell, but it became a problem too. He will say I have some man who gives me money; the money I have is not from what I have sold.

He is a professional plumber, and his work was not a full-time job. I looked for work and got one. That caused a huge conflict in our marriage. He told me that now that I’m working I won’t teach him. He will accuse me of cheating when I come from work.

He will force me to have sex with him to prove that I am not cheating. When I refuse, he will force himself on me; he will go as far as threatening me by putting a knife under the pillow.

He asked me to quit work, and I refused, then he started to come late to the house. He will have somewhere to go every weekend until it gets to even sleeping for days not knowing where he is. When he comes back to the house, he will be forcing me to have sex with me regardless of the situation.

In everything we do or in our misunderstanding, he will gang up with his mom. His mom will tell me that I don’t have to worry; all men are like that.

He will take his girlfriend to his parents place; they ended up having a child together. When I found out about their relationship and the child, he said I don’t have to worry; he married me with 2 children, so I must accept the child. He put his cheating blame on me and said if I keep arguing with him, he will leave me for good. There are beautiful and financially stable women out there.

He once went out for 3 days, and when he came back, he verbally abused me, and my son was around. My son separated us because he thought he was going to beat me up as he was coming close to me.

After that, my son went out running and crying. I then decided to go to a social worker and tell my story and decided to open a protection order. The law took its place.
He went out of the house and stayed with his parents.

In 2020, he filled in a divorce and married another woman, not even the baby mama.

I’m free from abuse and want to be more independent.
Thank you for listening to my story.