South Africa: Waiting for things to change in life doesn’t pay

Limpopo, 1 December: I married him in 2009. I was happily married to him for the first 4 months. It felt like true love. We stayed in a block of flats where we rented a two-bedroom house. As soon as I fell pregnant, everything changed. There was no more love and communication. He also stopped buying of food, drinking heavily and spent little time at home.
He told me to leave his house and go back where I came from. He called me names and threatened me saying if I wasn’t going to move out while I’m alive, I would leave in a coffin ready for burial.

He beat me all the time and forced to have sex with him. Life was hard and the pain I endured while I was with him was unbearable. Before I got married to I used to go get tested and always tested negative. Now after being married to him, I am HIV positive.

He used to come home late and sometimes he would not come home at all. When I asked him, he would respond harshly and tell me I am not his mother and then beat me up. I was still pregnant when all this was happening.

Although he was aware that he had also infected me with other sexually transmitted infections, he would still force me to have unprotected sex with him. It was so painful because my privates were blocked and inflamed. He refused to pay for my treatment, so I endured the pain for ages even up to the delivery of my baby. He also didn’t contribute to any preparation for the birth. He physically, emotionally and spiritually abused me.

My grandmother played a big role in my life when I was still married by supporting me. I stayed up to one and a half years thinking things would change but life went from bad to worse.

One day he came home early. I had gone to my grandmother to ask for some food and when I came back with the food and prepared it. Then he started accusing me of being unfaithful saying my boyfriend is the one who bought the food we ate. He beat me repeatedly.

I was admitted to the local hospital and luckily, I didn’t lose the baby. I returned home, but he was unhappy to see me alive. He raped me until I was weak.

When I went in to labour, I had a caesarian section because I had warts and painful sores on my vagina. I had a baby boy. My baby went for three days without clothes and he developed pneumonia.

My baby’s life was so painful. When we got back from the hospital, he said he wished both of us had died. He continued beating me up and did not support the baby and I.

Being patient and waiting for things to change in life doesn’t pay, instead I lost so much. All I got was abuse and HIV. We separated when the baby was four months old because he had beaten me up so bad that I sustained permanent head and brain damage. I went back to stay with my grandmother.

Life is hard for me and my child as he is always in and out of hospital with asthma. Money for medication is hard to get and sometimes I wish I was dead. My CD4 count is very low, so even though I want to work, I can’t because I am often unwell.

I want my boy to have good health and an education, but I don’t know how I will afford it.

Not her real name*

Florence lives in the Limpopo province. This story is part of the “I” Stories series produced by the Gender Links News Service as part of the 16 Days of Activism campaign against gender violence, encouraging the view that speaking out can set you free.