Finding a place of refuge

My name is Genevieve, I am 34-years-old and I have two children. I have begun a new life in Canada, after being resettled here. I have been given the grace to start over. I see hope and happiness in my future. The fact that I see a future at all is a sign that things are getting better for me.

My name is Genevieve, I am 34-years-old and I have two children. I have begun a new life in Canada, after being resettled here. I have been given the grace to start over. I see hope and happiness in my future. The fact that I see a future at all is a sign that things are getting better for me.

I was born in Bukavu in the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC). I come from a poor community. In my country women’s rights are not often recognised, there are very few organisations that work to help women in difficult relationships. Even when there are, many women have to travel long distances to get help. Not like in South Africa, where I went after I fled the DRC before going to Canada.

My marriage to my ex-husband was a violent one. He beat me so often, and so violently, that even my body has changed form and I have become very thin. I depended on my husband entirely as I was not working. He used to take great pleasure in humiliating – physically and otherwise. He would tell me that I was no good, stupid and not beautiful and say that I was lucky that he had married me because no one else would want me. He would often say that he regretted marrying me. Whenever I would ask for something, even for food for the children, he would refuse and accuse me of being lazy and not able to do anything. He would take every opportunity to beat me and demean me and didn’t care that I would beg him to stop.

He would also spend a lot of time away from home. People in my community asked why my husband used to spend all his time out of his home without his family. They would come and tell me the terrible things my husband used to say about me.

I would not know what to say to them when they would interrogate me. I would ask my husband why he was persecuting me, why he was treating me so badly and beating me. He would reject every time and not even answer. I spent all my days crying and began to lose weight rapidly.

Life stopped having meaning for me. My husband would spend all his time looking for other women, not even trying to hide it from me or anyone else. The women in my community did not have any respect for me – how could they when he obviously did not and I did not do anything about it. I felt completely isolated and rejected by the whole world. I was completely alone. I was so depressed that I became sick.

My husband would come home very late every day and harass me. When I would asked him where he was, he became very violent and irritated, punching and kicking me. He then evicted my two children aged three and one, and I. I did not know where to go.

I went and stayed at his sister’s house, a long distance from our marital home. Three months later, I returned to my husband because my children and I terrible malaria. I could not get money to go to the hospital and we needed his help. I went back to our home in the hope that he had changed.

But this was not the case. When I arrived at home he beat me up so badly, that I had injuries all over my body. He used all his energy to hit. He hit me as if I were a man; a strong and as big as he was. He even stripped my clothes off so that no one would come to save me from his claws and torture. But I survived that horrible day.

I asked him why he was doing this to me, why was he so violent towards me all the time, what had I done? He couldn’t answer. Confused and ashamed he said that it was because I did not obey his orders: I did not stay at home all the time as he instructed and went to church too much.

Life had become unbearable, and I felt like I preferred death to this tragic and depressing life. My husband’s violent behaviour continued and I got really sick. He refused to send me to hospital. When I did go to the hospital because my health was deteriorating he refused to pay my medical expenses.

When I came out of hospital, he refused to talk to me. He even stopped calling me by my name, but would call me a range of other things. He chased me out of our bedroom and began bringing other women home and slept with them in our marital bed. When this happened, I used to spend the night in the passage with my two children and domestic worker for company.

He eventually left our home and rented another house. A week after this, I received a message saying that I had to go to the High Court to collect documents – he was divorcing me. By that time, my country had become even more dangerous. As a woman alone, I was even in more danger. One day I was raped by rebel soldiers who were occupying the eastern part of the country. I had to get out and fled my country, at the time, not even knowing where I was going.

From the DRC I passed through Rwanda, Tanzania, Malawi and finally came to South Africa. I stayed in refugee camps in these places, but many times the places that we stayed in were burnt down or destroyed. After leaving my abusive husband; surviving a rape by rebel soldiers, I still was not safe – not even in places of refuge.

In South Africa I moved from shelter to shelter with my two children for two-and-a-half years, until I arrived at a shelter in Cape Town called Incorporated Sisters where I was greatly assisted. I then went to the NISAA Women’s Development Institute where they were so good to me and my children. During this time arrangements were being made for me to be resettled in Canada.

I am in Canada as I write – safe from the violence of my marriage and my country. I am sharing my story to testify a better and happy future is always possible for those who can stand up when there are difficulties in one’s life. Now, with God’s help, I want to try to help other raped, tortured or abused women.

*Not her real name.

This article part of a special series of articles produced for the Sixteen Days of Activism Against Gender Violence Campaign

This article is part of the GEM Opinion and Commentary Service that provides views and perspectives on current events.

janine@genderlinks.org.za for more information.