Free men from denial


Date: January 1, 1970
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The conventional wisdom is that men are strong and invincible. Society makes us believe that a man who succumbs to sickness is not man enough. HIV/AIDS has turned all that on its head. It is time to revisit all the notions that underpin masculinity.

The conventional wisdom is that men are strong and invincible. Society makes us believe that a man who succumbs to sickness is not man enough. HIV/AIDS has turned all that on its head. It is time to revisit all the notions that underpin masculinity.

Take this example: A polygamous man in Swaziland, who had five wives, infected all of them with HIV.  When the wives started to fall sick, he blamed his junior wife, accusing her of bewitching his other wives.

Before he died, the man confessed to infecting his wives with the disease, but only after a long struggle of denial. He eventually died, leaving behind 25 helpless young children, as family resources had already been exhausted in vain through treatment.

Why do men deny sickness? Society has always associated illness with weakness, especially with regard to men. I am one of these victims of socialisation. I last went to a doctor a year ago, even though I had fallen sick several times during the year.

The escalating rate at which HIV/AIDS is leading to the deaths of  both men and women has put paid to the notion that tigers don’t cry.

As the AIDS epidemic rises, many men find it difficult to admit their infection for fear of being branded as “not man enough” by society. During that struggle to live by society’s expectations, they have then been forced to find other avenues to justify their sickness.

Women have been used as the scapegoats as men push the blame of their sickness onto them. A number of women have suffered emotional abuse at the hands of their in-laws who have labeled them witches when a husband falls sick.

Men have used such excuses to waste family resources hopping from one Sangoma(traditional healer)  to another seeking ancestral powers to treat their sickness. And in some families, cows have been sold to get money for medication when a man is sick. As resources dwindle, children, especially the girl-child, are forced out of school.

The Hope House in Manzini, Swaziland, which houses people living with HIV/AIDS, finds it strenuous to sustain itself due to unpaid bills by some patients. Statistics show that male patients are the worst offenders, and the reason they give for not paying is that most of their money went towards medication before they entered the centre.

At the Mankayane Voluntary Counseling and Testing center, 62 percent of those who come for testing are women. Most men are said to only go for testing when they are already ill.

A man is a living being. All living things fall sick and eventually die. That is only natural. Why then does society put such a burden on men?

In his letter to the church in Corinthia, the Apostle Paul said  that we are actually strong when we are weak or sick, because God favours and protects us at such times. Only by admitting that you are sick can you get assistance.

The challenge then is to revisit the way we raise our children. Socialisation has not only been negative for women. It also has been negative for men. Men need to reclaim their role as human beings with strengths and weaknesses, fears and hopes.

Bhekisisa Magongo is a journalist and member of the Swaziland Gender Media Watch Organisation(SMEGWA).


This article is part of the GEM Opinion and Commentary Service that provides views and perspectives on current events.

janine@genderlinks.org.za for more information

 

 

 


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