I have to protect my little girls...
I have to protect my little girls
Date: January 1, 1970
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Every time he came home drunk he would start swearing me and the beatings would start. I almost expected it. He would use anything he could lay his hands on to beat me ? bottles, knives, and once even a spade. I have the scars to remind me. After each assault he would ask for forgiveness, promise to change, and would accuse me of making him angry ? that?s why he hit me. I loved him. Each time I forgave him. But when he started sexually abusing our daughters, I could not allow it. I laid a charge of rape against him, and pray he stays in jail.
Every time he came home drunk he would start swearing me and the beatings would start. I almost expected it. He would use anything he could lay his hands on to beat me – bottles, knives, and once even a spade. I have the scars to remind me. After each assault he would ask for forgiveness, promise to change, and would accuse me of making him angry – that’s why he hit me. I loved him. Each time I forgave him. But when he started sexually abusing our daughters, I could not allow it. I laid a charge of rape against him, and pray he stays in jail.
From my childhood I had bad life. At home we were very poor, my father had mental problems until he died and my mother was unemployed. I had four siblings and we never attended school. We had no clothes, shoes, food and money. We were constantly hungry and I ended up being hospitalised and diagnosed having Kwashiorkor. We survived on handouts.
I had my first child when I was only 14; the father left me when I was pregnant. Four years later, I met someone and thought he was different but he also left me when I fell pregnant. My mother was there throughout. She helped me and supported me to raise the children. I am grateful for her love.
Eighteeen years ago, I met my live in partner Andries* he came from Mozambique and worked as a builder. Although I was living with my mother, he bought me things, food and also a bed. He was beyond my expectations.
The same year we moved in together at Hammanskaal, because work was scarce we moved to Evaton. While living there he started to show me his other side, he started to beat me up for no reason. He would spend his money on liquor and would bring his girlfriends home. Then he would chase me and children out when he wanted to sleep with them in our bed. We fought over little things like food. He started withholding money and support, not buying food or anything for the children and I.
He would beat me every time he came home drunk, which was almost all the time.
He continued assaulting me and each time it got worse. I went to Orange Farm Police Station several times to lay charges against him. Instead of helping me, the police will come back with me and reprimand him, telling him not to beat me and that we should talk and solve our problems. His abusive behaviour continued and I lost faith and stopped reporting him to police. I told my brothers but they also didn’t help. They told me that they do not want to be arrested. I was alone with no one to help me.
I was and am unemployed and receive disability grant and the grant for my three children. He stopped working and would fight me for the money I received. He would tell me that it belonged to him since he was the father of the children. At one stage he burnt part of the house as he was fighting with me. He spread lies about me in our neighbourhood and when he attacked me, our neighbours would not help.
In December 2004 I went to hospital to give birth. That is when he started raping our two young girls aged eight and six. He threatened to kill us all if they told anyone. The children were scared of him. When I came back from the hospital, I could see that something was wrong with my girls. They had lost weight and were constantly ill.
Even though they were afraid, they eventually told me what had happened; and that it had not been the first time. My heart broke. How could he do this to our children? What kind of man was he? I never thought he could go this far. I laid rape charges against him and he was arrested. I pray he stays in jail.
I have forgiven a thousand times but this is where it ends, I have to protect my little girls. I know that the children need counselling but because of money problems I cannot afford to the transport money to take them for help. But I know that now, at least my children are safe.
*Not their real names.
This article is part of a special series of commentaries on the Sixteen Days of Activism Campaign produced through the Gender Links Opinion and Commentary Service that provides fresh views on everday news.
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