Real men do cry about abuse...
Real men do cry about abuse
Date: January 1, 1970
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The article looks at male abuse. It states that though men are not as likely to fall victim to abuse as women, they are not immune to it and sadly those that are abused are unlikely to speak out because of fear of losing face.
This article may be used to:
- Highlight how abuse has been mainstreamed in the media.
- Challenge perceptions that men are immune to abuse.
- As an example of a good piece of journalism
- As an example of gender sensitive language.
- Highlight different types of abuse
- Raise discussion about the gendered nature of abuse.
Trainer’s notes
This article can be used as a good example of a good piece of journalism that offers an alternative perspective. It gives the likely causes that might drive one to abuse their partner, the effects of abuse. It also sources experts on the subject, provides statistics (though it does not give statistics from South Africa) and provides contact details of where to get help.
The language used to tell the story is not sensationalised, it is neutral.
Perceptions that men are immune to abuse are challenged. The article explains that though men are not as prone or likely to fall to abuse as women, it does not mean that they are immune to it. The article also gives reason why men are not likely to come out and report incidents of abuse. Communities are urged too speak out against male abuse and not dismiss it as not being “serious.”
Different types of abuse are highlighted in the article though some are not given prominence as physical abuse. The article alludes to less talked about forms of abuse such as economic and psychological abuse that happen, in most cases without even the victims themselves realising that they are being abused, but whose effects can be as detrimental as physical abuse.
Further, abused men are empowered to speak out against abuse by highlighting that whilst male abuse might not be as common as female abuse men still do get abused and they must not think that they are any less of men because of that and they should bear in mind that they did not ask for it and that they are not alone. Providing contact details of where to find help is also commendable as it might make it easier for the victims to report abuse and for communities in general to speak out.
The article does not treat abused men as victims, if anything; it treats them as saviours for having courage to speak and report abuse. The article does not look at the profile of a man likely to be abused but, it looks on the profile of a woman likely to abuse her partner. This affirms the fact that abuse is not a weakness on the part of the victim but is a reflection of the abuser’s psychological well being.
Discussion Questions
- What derogatory names do you know of that are used to call abused men.
- Do you think the image is appropriate ?
- Besides the fact that male abuse is not widely reported, the fact that there are no existing statistics on this type of abuse is a reflection that law enforcement agents do not take it seriously. Discuss.
- Less than half of reported cases of female abuse lead to conviction, what percentage of cases of male incidents of abuse do you think might lead to conviction.Why?
- What systems would you put in place to encourage more men to report male abuse and communities to speak out against this type of abuse?
- Real life stories of men in abusive relationships would have added more value to the article, but would have posed challenges on the reporter. What value would have been added and what challenges would have been posed?
Training exercises
- Conduct a survey on public perceptions of abuse against men. Are there gender differences of opinion? How may these perspectives lp or hinder men to come forward.
- Locate and work with men who have been abused to write personal “I” Stories
- Read more on the subject – The Domestic Violence Act and the Amendment to the Sexual Offences Act 2008.
Links to other training resources
Picture our lives: Gender and images https://www.genderlinks.org.za/page.php?p_id=97
Business Unusual: Gender and the economy https://www.genderlinks.org.za/page.php?p_id=310
Men as Partners http://www.hsrc.ac.za/RPP-Fatherhood-29.phtml
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4 thoughts on “Real men do cry about abuse”
men abuse its real and to many men are living with it as a every day life.i think the constitution should re look at the human rights.
I agree I am abused mentaly physicaly and emoitionaly and she has even started using my children against me I don’t know what to do or where to go the police doesn’t take this seriously niether does my family what do I do
I’m also verbally and emotionally abused. I run the house financially. Recently when its her pay days she witholds income. Her income is used for food and petrol. I’m unable to buy my two boys what they like to eat. My money goes for the bond, bills, medical, school fees. Every weekend shes off from work shes goes into a depressive state and blames me for any little thing. If i were to take the boys out, she will call and hurl abuse. We dont go out. We just try to get through the weekend. She sleeps all weekend waking at times hurling name calling, cursing and talking to herself. She gives me the silent treatment for days on end. My boys dread her weekends off. I’m so confused. I dont know what to do. The boys love us both and dont want us to seperate. I sometimes think that she is doing this so that she can have her way and there is something underlying affecting her emotional wellbeing. I love her as well and just wish she goes back to taking her tablet, Zytomil.
Men do not speak up because traditionally we believe that a man does not cry. Women are emotionally and verbally abusive and as men we are afraid of losing our kids more than losing the woman. How will my kids live if I am far from them and they will meet different step fathers who might abuse them. The government must relook at the constitution