Survivors of gender violence tell it their way


Date: January 1, 1970
  • SHARE:

Telling her story of abuse for the first time in Gender Links’ annual “IÀ Story book last year, Sweetness Gwebu used a pseudonym, declined an accompanying photo, and interviewed for television with her identity masked. This year, she writes the foreword of the just launched 2008 publication using her own name and photo, and ready for public appearances, remarking that “therapy comes from the healing process made possible by writing and reading your own story. It allows the abused to break the silence.À

Each year ahead of Sixteen Days of Activism, South African-based Gender Links invites people in Southern Africa affected by gender-based violence, women and men, to write their experiences. Published in a booklet, distributed to media, and recorded for radio, these stories are the human faces behind the statistics, policies, and programmes to tackle the tough issues of gender violence.  
 
While the media is full of stories of horrific gender related crimes, the voices of those most affected, the survivors, are rare. The 2008 stories highlight focus on some of the most marginalised communities, people living with HIV, women with disabilities, refugees, migrants, and the lesbian and gay community. Written over a two-week period beginning and ending with a workshop to help writers draft their written accounts, for many this is the first time speaking of their abuse.
 
Gwebu’s story is just one example of the personal impact of speaking out. Maleshoane Motsiri told her story in the 2006 book, in 2007 she wrote the foreword, and in 2008, now a counselor for People Opposing Women Abuse (POWA), she helped counsel others writing their stories.
 
For some, the impact on their life is immediate. During the first “I” Story session held in October this year, Blessing,* tearfully told how she survived an abusive husband, but was now living with HIV, and did not know how to tell her adult children. When she returned two weeks later to share her written draft, she was ecstatic.
 
Gaining courage from speaking out during the workshop, she went home and immediately sat her children down, disclosing her status.  They hugged her and gave her their support. She chose the pseudonym Blessing, because though not ready to disclose her status publicly, she felt blessed that she had the courage tell them, and they are standing by her side.
 
Grace Dimakatso Maleka, whose husband became abusive after she lost her leg in an accident, was the key note speaker at the launch of the “I” stories at an event at Constitution Hill this week that includes an exhibition by award winning photo journalist Nadine Hutton on her mother’s horrific story of abuse.
 
“It helps me to talk openly, hoping to break stigma and dispel some of the myths attached to disability,” Maleka writes. “I believe that I am a beautiful creation of God. I may not be physically attractive (whatever that means) but I believe my spirit and soul carries a beauty that cannot be measured. I wish to share this beauty with the rest of the world at every waking moment so that we can appreciate that we are very privileged human beings. If one door shuts, then you must know that another one will open. There is no time to look back, but move forward, nothing is impossible for today’s women.”
 
For the first time, Gender Links initiated similar workshops in Namibia, Mauritius, and Swaziland this year, though stories pour in from the entire region. Though the “South Africa” edition emerged from a Johannesburg-based workshop, the contributors represent many nations and cultures – South Africa, Burundi, Zimbabwe, Malawi, Congo – showing how truly diverse the country is.
 
Although overwhelmingly women writers, men also come forward to share their stories. “To my father, beating and assaulting my lively mother was his way of proving his manhood,” writes Pascal Akimina.  A Burundian who also witnessed the brutal rape of his young sister by soldiers in Congo, he now works with EngenderHealth, an organisation that works with men. “I have dedicated my life to this work based on my principle of honouring my mother’s experience, my sister’s and myself, and as a man I will use my voice to bring change.”
 
The emotional scars of abuse are long lasting. Now in her early 20’s, Natasha Kangale’s anger at the aunt who accused her of lying when she was raped at aged 12 has stayed with her. The small scars on Etty Khoza’s face are barely noticeable to anyone else, but are a reminder to her of the day a neighbour assaulted her simply because she is a disabled woman.
 
Hundreds of stories later, regardless of differences of country, culture, sexual orientation, age, or religion, accounts of gender violence are remarkably similar. The emotional pain of deteriorating relationships, social and cultural expectations discouraging people from standing up or walking out, concern for children, and feeling like there is nowhere to go, all give insight to changes needed in our society.
 
Repeated throughout all of these stories are accounts of police telling severely beaten women to “go home and talk,” families refusing to help, and communities ignoring screams for help. Though the stories are horrific – Germina Setshedi’s writes how her husband threw her from the fourth floor of their flat and Gugu Mofekeng recalls her boyfriend burning her house down, and biting off part of her ear – the strength of the survivors is what really shines through.
 
Writing their stories is a daring step forward for themselves and for other women. Every year the stories inspire readers who see their own lives reflected in the accounts. Maybe by reading stories like this, everyone, from our neighbours to our leaders, will see the real faces behind what gender activists are shouting loud for – gender quality and an end to violence of all kinds.
 
Deborah Walter is the editor of the Gender Links Opinion and Commentary Service, and co-editor of the “I” Stories series.
 
 


Comment on Survivors of gender violence tell it their way

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *