Talking to ourselves instead of to the future

Adult women and men now talk to each other about gender violence, but we still do not engage the most important group of all- young people. By so doing, we not only widen the gap between parent and child and between adult and adolescent, we also destroy all hopes of a better tomorrow.

Adult women and men now talk to each other about gender violence, but we still do not engage the most important group of all- young people. By so doing, we not only widen the gap between parent and child and between adult and adolescent, we also destroy all hopes of a better tomorrow.

Many adults still operate on the out-dated premise that young people must be seen and not heard. Ironically, in cases of gender-based violence, young people become the unseen victims.

Consider the following words of United Sanctuary Against Abuse (USAA) Positive Youth who have all experienced some form of extreme violation to their person, or, are otherwise unwilling participants of gender-based violence relationships.

Did I do something wrong

to make you lose control?

Anger so strong

or do you even know?

That when you come home

I want to run and hide

The pain is so deep

that I keep it inside

I‘m not the same

because of you

Always afraid of what

you‘ll do

If only you could see yourself

through my eyes

You would know why

(I’m dying inside)

(Through the eyes of a child- CHANCE)

The challenge is for us adults to heel the rift we have created by seeking out the youth to jointly find solutions.

To do that, first we have to engage with them on an equal footing. Second, we have to make a serious effort to listen attentively to them. Third, we need to value their inputs.

Instead of teaching, we need to allow ourselves to be educated. Children have the right to be listened to (UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, Article 12).

My experience with youth has taught me that there are more lessons to learn from them than we are willing to admit. But we will only know this once we sit down with them and let them talk to us. As one three-year old told the five-year old at the shelter where I work: You do not have to speak for me: “Ek kan self se”  (‘I have my own voice’)

We should seek out the young people in shelters, in youth groups, at schools, in churches, or wherever they are, to listen and hear from them their ideas and opinions on how to tackle gender-based violence. There is no need to protect them from discussions on issues they already know much about.

In one year, the Survivour and Support Services office of the organisation I work for received 86 referrals from a local high school. The youth’s experiences of violence ranged from date rape to sexual harassment at school. And, the number of young residents at our shelter exceeds the number of women by at least 25 percent.

In our campaigns against violence, we need to involve the youth in developing the slogans and strategies for the 16 Days of Activism. They should not just be at the receiving end of campaign messages. Youth can even run their own campaigns.

This is a win-win situation, but are we up to it? Gender-based violence can stop with the young people, but only if we play our cards right. This will ensure that your and my grandchildren will grow up in a society without threat of violence.

Can we do it?

Gahsiena Van Der Schaff is the Executive Director of the United Sanctuary Against Abuse in Cape Town, South Africa.

 This article is part of the GEM Opinion and Commentary Service that provides views and perspectives on current events.